Too much coffee... a little humor

You answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you are parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House".
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the "devil's blend".
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
you can jump-start your car without cables.
You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet and Low.
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You buy half and half by the barrel.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk 20 miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
You're so wired; you pick up AM/FM radio.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You name your cats Cream and Sugar.
Your thermos is on wheels.
You can outlast the energizer bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You don't tan, you roast.
You don't mad, you get steamed.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
You think CPR stands for Coffee Provides Resuscitation.
Your first aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
still reading? have another cup.